it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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