Sponge bath it is.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
