They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
