My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize