why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
