My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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