She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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