If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
