I wish I could punch you in the face.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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