how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
