I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
