No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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