I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
