It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize