I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
