Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
