i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
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Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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