WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
