Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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