He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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