He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
