3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
