If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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