I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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