i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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