the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
