2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
