She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I am morally bankrupt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
