You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
