1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
