If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We are two peas in an std pod
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
