I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
