Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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