I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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