Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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