Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
