Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
