you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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