Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
