He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
