dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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