I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
