He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How does one acquire holy water?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
