U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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