he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
