You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
