Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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