as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
