she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
