he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
