I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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