I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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