I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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