My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
