Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
