This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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