I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
