Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
