can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
