This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
