I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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