Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
